Thankful public service announcement: I have not stopped crying this morning over sweet things. E please keep sharing all of your treasured moments online, please do not stop telling me about your pregnancies or your victories, please share with me the good things that are happening to you, they give me hope for the future. My life right now feels stuck, in black+white, and it feels difficult to see these positive moments, but I'm aware that this season is teaching me something and I haven't found the word for it yet, but I know it's important for my testimony, it's going to help me more forward and see the color of the world+in the way I tell my story.
this was meant for my journal (which is one of my major coping skills of the year) but I figured it was real enough and transparent for me to share with yall to encourage you and to shine light on the darkness that is trauma. It's freeing to share your story + it reduces shame. Sharing your truths is something that I require of most of the people in both of my jobs, I am now allowing and pushing myself to do the same.
This year sucked.
I’m just gonna say it.
The majority of it was terrible but I’ve got to cling onto hope and the truth that there were some shining moments that I cannot let go unnoticed! I’m good at reframing bad situations and finding the light to keep moving forward.
1. I’m so thankful both of my parents are alive. We had a recent scare with my mom that caused me to spiral. And my dad is alive and living and breathing and about to start eating and I get choked up daily thinking about Gods grace and how I get to keep him longer for a purpose. They're my world and the reason I am alive. Trying to conceive and almost losing one of your parents in one year really teaches you that parent child relationships are so important and it makes me want to be the best parent even more than I already know I will be. My parents are going to be the best grandparents, one day.
2. I’m thankful I did get pregnant and even though the pregnancy itself was not viable, I am thankful I survived it, that I have education and self awareness to help me understand it, and that we have not lost hope or stopped trying since. I’m so thankful for baby Rice because they taught me how to love myself more through adversity and pain. I’m thankful for the upcoming appointments that validates our one year of trying and I hope to get more information on where our journey leads us next.
3. I’m thankful for therapy for therapists cause I KNOW if we need it, everyone does and can benefit from it. My kids know that even adults need to ask for help sometimes, and who would I be therapeutically, if I were not open about my mind also needing a little self-care and coping skills, a space to process, just like they do!
4. I’m thankful for my family and for the love that everyone had for my aunt Andi, who went to be with Jesus and our babies and my grandparents. I love you so much and I will miss you every single day of my life. This year is weird and I don't like it and I will hold Brad, Andrew, and Zach close every chance that I get. I promise to take more time this coming year for myself, for family time, and to relax. I'm thankful for my aunt dara and her family for being close even though they're far away. I wish you were here, always.
5. I’m real thankful the journey (5 years) to full licensure for marriage and family therapy is done. That was the kinda relief I never dreamed of. I’m so thankful for my license and the chance to help so many children and families heal through their losses, trauma, anxiety, and depression. The joy I have when I’m with my clients, no matter if they’re in distress, I cannot begin to explain and I’m so honored that they choose me to help them every week. Children are such a big part of my life and seeing them succeed, learn to love themselves, calm their own bodies down and connect their thoughts+their emotions to how to help themselves and being a major part of that is part of my purpose in this world.
6. I’m thankful for my photography business and clients that have followed me the last 12 years of practice and 2 years of being official. Y’all are amazing at showing me your hearts and letting me in to your most intimate and sweet moments of your lives. I hope to do this for forever and I’m thankful for a break to recharge my creativity.
7. My best friend, Tori, got engaged and someone else gets to put up with her too. LOL! I’m thankful I got to be in on the proposal process and thankful that Peter loves us. I’m so thankful to be her matron of honor and I’m excited about her wedding next fall in New York.
8. I’m thankful for another year with Gracie girl. She’s my sleeping buddy, my treat girl, my wake me up same time every day routine woman, and my cuddle bug when I am not feeling my best, Matt loves her more than me and that’s okay because she’s a perfect angel baby and the day we have to say goodbye will be the worst day but one where no more pain can hurt her. Cancer sucks.
9. I’m thankful for my best friends and the way each of them have taken care of me in their own way this year. I’m sure I was hard to love, distant, and a mess. They’ve shown me grace and gratitude and I’m overwhelmed with love for them. I'm even more thankful that they let us love on their babies like they are our own and that we will forever be aunt burty burt and uncle matt, no matter what our family looks like, I know we have so many nieces and nephews that fill our hearts with joy.
10. My hubby, number 1 but probably the hardest for me to express because there’s just almost 10 years of memories there that cannot be explained through a paragraph on one day. All I know is love is a choice, it’s a feeling and it’s an action. All of which I’m thankful for with my husband this year. Love is all the tiny things that make our world continue on in the midst of grief and even though life has been hard, he’s remained constant, my safe place, and helps keep me grounded daily. My little modern day Boaz had helped keep Ruth sane this year.
Yall are amazing, keep doing amazing things, and keep sharing your amazing moments with each other (and me, I need them and others do, too!)
Love,
Burt
